This church was beautiful. Again, like St Agnes in Stamford, there was no stained glass. It was surrounded by clear windows looking out into the woods. The backdrop of the crucifix was a huge clear window facing blue skies and leafless branches of the woods behind. The inside felt like a log cabin with huge wooden beams and hard wood floors. I went there with a heavy heart since my dream of taking 6 months off and hiking the Appalachian Trail was put to rest last night at the Board of Ed meeting. My heart was heavy, yet on a whim, (actually because St. Patty’s Day is Monday, I thought I should hit up a St. Patrick’s Church today) I ended up in a simple church with a simple design set with the woods as a backdrop to it all. It felt like a reminder to me to just breathe and take in the “woods” and “adventures” that surround me.
Speaking of adventures – I seem to be on one lately that I thought a lot about in church this morning. I have been a mother for the past 24 years almost. I know how to be a mother to babies (feed them, hug them, love them, take care of them). I know how to be a mother to elementary school aged kids (Feed them, hug them, love them, go to every teacher conference for every one of them, sign up for field trips). I know how to be a mother to teenagers (Feed them a lot!, Try to hug them, remember to tell them that you love them, keep tabs on where they are, stay focused when you are arguing with them, remember you really do love them!) However, I do not know how to be a mother to my adult children. God knows I am trying, but I am struggling with it…..and I believe my adult children know that, too! The boundaries have blurred. They still want food, but they don’t always want a hug. They should know I love them, but I am not sure they always love me. They don’t want me to keep tabs on them, but they live in my house. They want to move out and I want either them or myself to move out! But I know I will miss them terribly when they stop coming home because they have their own home. Ugh….looking back it was easy to be a mom when I knew how to love them as little ones!
The priest today talked about it being Pope Francis’ one year anniversary of being our Holy Father who is there to guide, be patient, and show love to all of us. It reminded me of a sermon one time (I don’t remember when or where) when the priest said…”God doesn’t move away from us. As Our Father, he stands still waiting patiently and watching as we choose (because we have Free Will) to move closer or farther from Him. He is always there waiting for when we need Him and choose to be with Him.” I know there have been times when I have moved closer or farther away from God, based on my own needs, wants, desires, goals, or just plain Free Will. Yet, when I have come back to “Home” , He is there.
Maybe that is kind of where I am at right now with my own kids. As “Their Mother”, the mother of these adults, I need to stand still, be patient, and wait. I need to have my own life, yet let them know I am here, fully knowing they will move (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) away from me at times. But, if they do always know where I am standing, and if I wait patiently, maybe I will be watching when they turn around from time to time and come back to me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
It is harder to be the patient, waiting (trying not to worry), loving kind of mother to adult children than it was to be the tired, overworked, loving kind of mother to little ones!